Growing Up

I wanted to make this post especially for girls growing up with PE. I encourage you to reach out to me and others with this condition to know that you are not alone. What you are feeling is the same as we have. Here is my story about growing up with PE.

Not all PE forms at the same time for each person. I was born a chubby healthy baby with what looked like a completely normal chest. My chest was flat until I was around 12 or so. My PE began to cause my breastbone to move in as soon as I started puberty. As a girl, your chest should be moving out not in. Mine was doing both which, to the careful observer, looked odd. After about 17, what my doctor refers to as "breast tissue" began to somewhat hide the defect. Within the last 5 years or so my PE had been getting considerably worse and I didn't notice because of the tissue. The only place I could really feel was straight down the middle. I could go into great detail about what it was like being a teenage girl with a strange chest that received more than enough laughs and rude commentary from the boys... but I'm sure that should be sufficient enough to paint the picture. I also happened to be severely skinny and it only made things worse and added "anorexic" and "bulimic" jokes. I am almost positive I was called those two things before I even knew what they were. Kids are cruel to each other. Truth was, I would eat like every other kid and was upset when I was hungry. I am still the same way. Not as skinny. I would do anything for food.

I was 20 years old, and a junior in college. When people noticed my chest and asked about it I explained. It wasn't as mortifying anymore because I accepted who I was and my PE. I don't really care for those who judge me for the way I look, but I do care what people think about me. Still, when I would explain that my chest was "caved in", and I had a "dip" ( as my kindest friends referred to the PE) I always felt a slight twinge of embarrassment. The outfit I had picked out was probably to hide the defect... and now I realized AGAIN that I failed at hiding my most precious secret because it was nearly impossible.

The shirts, dresses, and bathing suit tops over the years were quite conservative because I just wanted to feel normal and beautiful like every other girl in the world. I can't tell you how many times mom rolled her eyes when we went shopping because I would turn away clothes and say, "No, that's too low cut. "Mom I can't wear that stuff." "It shows my dip." She began to understand and knew my preferences.

Swimming in the summer was always a drag if there were males around. There is NO hiding the PE. Every one noticed when I didn't have a shirt on. Even though they may not have asked, they looked. Which is almost worse. The last summer I gave up. I went to the pool all the time. I didn't care. It was refreshing to say the least.

I remember not too long ago thinking about how my chest would never look like all the other women in my life. Even if I had a breast augmentation it wouldn't matter. You can find pictures on Google where women have had breast implants to cover their PE. The results are promising, but you can still tell "something is off." Also, this isn't an option for my condition because it was affecting my breathing and compressing my heart. I was dreaming of what it would be like to touch my chest and it be so perfect like everyone else's that I see. Thats the closest to what I have ever been able to picture myself normal. It was a bittersweet moment.

The results were fantastic. I'm even more excited about being able to workout and run without feeling short of breath before my body is even tired. Or better than that, no chest pain. Chest pain freaks out everyone, am I right?

Best wishes